Dee Ef Dub-a-ya

Dee Ef Dub-a-ya or Dallas Fort Worth or Dogs Fly Worldwide – I have never seen a dog at the airport before, perhaps you have –today I have seen 5 in the last hour, mostly the rat dog type, but sitting here at the airport – a bit lonely I am wondering why I didn’t bring mans best friend with me –my little jack Russell would’ve taught these scrawny lap dogs a thing or two and provided me with both entertainment and company! Speaking of Jack, I am currently accompanied by my good friends Johnny, Jack and Jim –it’s Ok the coke’s diet! But my burger, chips and ben and jerrys wasn’t and I can highly recommend a new flavour to me anyway – ‘whirled peace’ du get it? –the irony, in America!

Oh no, the woman squeezed into jeans 2 sizes too small with a cling film t-shirt and bad skin, complete with rat dog under one arm (that she’s been ‘kissing’ for the last ½ hour) is off to the toilet, sorry, bairthroom –that’s put me right off –her or the dog, or both I wonder-I haven’t seen any doggy toilets after all.

So just a note before i leave on the US throwaway nation, I can’t wait to get home to use a china plate and silver (or cheaper metal replacement) cutlery. I only drunk from a vessel I didn’t throw away at the pub, all other drinks have been served in cardboard, foam or plastic cups or bottles (some overwrapped in more plastic). The little cutlery I have been offered (never knives and usually it’s assumed you’ll just use your hands) has been pressed out of various ‘biodegradeable’ materials – I can’t help but think time team might still be digging these up next century, this morning I ate my fruit salad and yoghurt with such a spoon and a cardboard bowl which had the effect or nails down a blackboard on my nerve endings. There were about 30 people on my course this week, all pretty organic world conscious types and every time ‘toxic chemicals’ were mentioned I had to laugh inside as they all sipped from the petrochemical drinks containers, finished and tossed another in the trash – beautiful! It amazed me how much rubbish we generated in a day all to save someone the effort of washing up or stacking the dishwasher in the fully equipped kitchen 2 metres away. I also can’t pass up the opportunity to hint that my colleagues on this course happily sipped coffee – about the most carcinogenic material the human body comes into contact with –I’d rather drink my toxic chemicals thank you, at least they’ve been tested.

The TV is enough to frighten the life out of you, about 20 channels last night, 4 with sport, 2 shopping, 5 about police, prisons and murders, 4 medical dramas, 1 film, 2 cartoon and 1 comedy –does this seem balanced to you, I’ve never seen so many guns on TV and real dead bodies, they can’t show naked people but murdered, dead people’s Ok? – scary stuff, especially when you think you recognise your motel. My constitutions is not being eased now either as the D-part-ment for homeland security patrolling complete with tasar, mace, baton, cuffs, mobile and handgun attached to their belts – any more inventions and they’ll all have to put on another stone to fit it on!

...and in case you were wondering about the pictures - these were some neat things I saw at the Oregon Garden -just to brighten it up!

Chimney Sweep English

Sorry it's been a few days but my head's been hurting with information overload -the course if officially over now so time for a little reflection. Two more translations: R't = root, biscuit = savory buttery scone like thing and karm-post = compost. I spent tuesday learning the fine details of how to produce top quality karm-post and karm-post tea (tea brewing vessel pictured below) and I can tell you it's a world away from that s**t the waste companies churn out.

Wednesday was a field trip to a vermiculture plant (worm castings for karm-post) they used shitaki mushroom growth medium blocks for the base -I can't even begin to describe the smell, gut wrenching doesn't come close. Above is a mexican painstakingly shovelling each batch through the worm seperated.

Today has been a microscope class (pictured at the bottom), a fast pace reminder of A level and Uni microbiology plus all the details for me to analyse soils for their likely bacteria, fungi, nematode and protozoa counts and distinction between the good guys and the bad. - I will be testing you all on this!

Tommorrow I meet with the business and technical team here to find out if we can utilise some of these products in the UK and if I make the grade to become one of their affiliated advisors. Maybe a big night out before the microscope class wasn't such a great idea?

Saying goodbye to my new set of friends today was hard as ever - I don't think you could've tried to fill a room with a more diverse group of people, as ever I did my best not to pre judge anyone on first glance (I have learnt this approach alienates far too quickly when you are the minority) and keep an open mind -determined to learn something from everyone. So what did they teach me?

There is plenty of mid ground between organic and conventional farming even if neither side wishes to admit it. I have Mark to thank for education on hop growing, beer brewing and attempts at English and sounding like the perfect chimney sweep from Mary poppins. I'd like to thank GoGee (pictured below) the organic medicinal marajuana grower for (no not that) the positive energy he channelled to me and an insight into a whole nother world. Rebecca for the political update -quite the contrary to the farmers in Missouri. Construction Mark for the mainstream 'Frat' type view of the world and intense production agriculture. Kathleen (pictured below) for showing me Canadians do have a sense of humour (!) and the whole group of socialites who mercilessly 'took the mick' out of my accent for 5 hours - all in their best cockney chimney sweep!

It's been another great trip -again made by the folks I met and Earthfort, Soil Foodweb and Sustainable studies and greatfully I have found a piece of America to love -Oregon: enthusiastic home brewers, wine makers, fruit and veg eaters, joggers (yes movement), generally more travelled and more rounded (not physically) people.

Very few 'toxic chemical farmers'

Arrived at Benton County Fairground today -5mins late - really struggling with US signage and my sat nav isn't taking zip codes - great because driving on the wrong side isn't hard enough, trying to navigate between a naff map, a sat nav map with only major roads and filling in the gaps with the one road name I wrote down last night! Anyway, mission accomplished eventually.

I was a bit surprised when I walked in in turned up jeans and a shirt -I did have my flip flops on so partially fitted in with the majority organic producers - nuff said?

Anyway a fair diversity of people, very few conventional toxic chemial farmers let alone devil worshipping advisers like myself so they all looked on with a definite air of contempt and perhaps a little hostilaty - they'll warm to me I'll make sure of that!

A fungi consuming a harmful nematode

So what did I learn? Dairy Queen rules (Oreo brownie blizzard - heaven) erm, soil wise some 'pretty cool' stuff that ties in nicely with everything else I've been reading and learning lately it's just a bit mind blowing trying to fit it all together. Highlights: protozoa eat bacteria which releases the soil nutrients. Nematodes are the most prolific organisms on the planet, the largest nematode live in the blue whale and is 8ft long. The theory of ecological succession and the need to match your bacteria : fungi ratio to the plant types you're trying to grow - for instance Brome grasses are a 'low level' plant type and require only a low microbe count to thrive - hence we're seeing more brome in the UK these days. Frass is the name for insect poo. In a thriving soil there could be enough microbial cycling of Nitrogen NOT TO REQUIRE ANY FURTHER N to grow a high yielding wheat crop -just think about it.

Anyway, tommorrow is compost and teas - so watch this space....

How do you milk a hazlenut?

Train, Planes and a golf cart - to be more specific, one car, two planes, a golf cart, a skyrail train a quick sprint (to catch second plane) and a minibus -got me from Heathrow to Portland Oregon. Our Heathrow plane was delayed at both ends and with only an hour to catch our connections the great US Homeland Security response - open up more US citizen immigration booths (from 8-10) and close non us immigrant boothes (2-3) and anyone that's travelled to the US knows just how bloody long they take checking your fingerprints, intentions, background, time spent in Afghanistan training with rebels! JUST LET ME IN TO GET MY NEXT FLIGHT! -All this followed the extra security questioning at Heathrow - did i pack my bag myself? No I let some bloke Luke bought home from the pub last night do it. How long have I had the bags? Some guy down the pub sold me them yesterday. Am I carrying anything for anyone else? Yes 200lbs of narcotics. Do I have any electrical devices? Yes. When and where were they bought? -the laptop, phone, i-pod, camera, sat nav... where do I start? AHHhhhhhh!

Got a good chunk of reading done on the plane (I've seen most of the movies on the England to US flights now) currently 'Science in Agriculture' by Arden Andersen. So trying to comprehend the energy flows and magnetic fields associated with cropping and the chemistry behind fertiliser formulations.

So this morning I picked up my rental Hyundai Elantra (car) from a lovely Avis lady who was very concerned about letting this little brit lady out on the wrong side of the road all alone ''do you want me to find you a bigger car?'' I love it, if you're going to be a danger on the road at least be in a big enough vehicle to push everyone out of your way - do damage- do BIG damage!

But all was OK, after maybe a few laps of Portland - my Sat Nav is not so happy here - it tells me where to go... give or take about 5meters, which can encompass about 3 interstates at busy junctions. Good old Avis map sorted it eventually.

I think I like the West coast better than the East and South - had fruit salad and yoghurt for breakfast and got salad, quiche, fruit etc from the local deli here in Corvallis (and maybe a couple of beers and a piece of Oreo cheesecake which sounds much better than it tastes) and they have ATM type facilities here that you can pay cheques into -any time. Wouldn't you just love that - we probably don't need the drive through bit though.

Also discovered hazelnut milk this morning in my coffee -yum yum, I'm sold. But how? Why? Who? and Where?

Well, I've been home for far too long now - I know this because no one seems surprised to see me and the Guys on the farm have heard all they want to about my last soil course and can't wait to get rid of me again so they can get on with combining without me bleeting about my next great idea that is going to slow one of our operations like drilling down! - starter fertiliser anyone?

Been trying to get Dad Skype-ing ready for my next trip but between breaking his ribs and blaming the pain on being a bit short wicked and still insisting on going baling lessons have been a bit difficult.

I have been working hard since I got back, GPS soil sampling (blisters and bleeding hands - time to go!) hopefully a little more rain will have filtered through by the time I get back 4 inches is now penetrable just 2 and a bit more to go please mother nature! I have also been trying to obtain some funding to increase my meager (however very greatfully received) Nuffield scholarship - I think this is going OK, two tentative success's so far I think, two more applications to go.

Right will go and check the raingauge again - last count 7mm (yes, I know, 1/3 inch). At least we hit a barley high this week of £140 with the straw as well that might just be the best gross margin on the farm this year - if only we could co-incide growing malting quality when there was a market and feed when there isn't ho hum the tam man doesn't need it anyway!

Ok so a few translations: tiling: field drainage, a quarter section: about 20 acres, tea: it'll be cold with ice in

A few culture clashes: yes I do want a beer, no i don't want a large even if it is cheaper, no I don't want to sue, yes I can walk (so can you), no I won't melt without AC.

Yet to get my head around: crossing a state line does NOT constitute travelling. Spitoons. 32 ounce (1litre) drink cartons with modified bottoms to fit car cup holders. Consume food and vitamins separately. As a result of the last point I have felt pretty awful since I got here - I can't wait to get home now to eat food with both natural flavour and nutritional value and my skin can't wait to breathe in un-cooled air.

Damn it! I've been trying to be such a good american today. 1) I got a lift in a grt big car to st louis instead of the metro and bus, 2) The most exercise I've done today is lifting my remote, 3) I had coconut M&M's (which rule), Oreos and coffee for lunch, 4) I had a burger, fries and Bud for tea, 5) I'm watching glee. but I still feel I failed, I needed to add either drinking a litre of soda or using a drive through (food, money, car cleaning etc all available through this retail media).

All this aside I have been won over by the people I have met over the last few days, they are as warm, kind and as focused on their business's as any farmers I have met from anywhere in the world and I've loved meeting them all. I've met Organic citrus, beef, blueberry and strawberry farmers, conventional corn, rice, cotton and soy'bean farmers, advisors and some of their families.

Stick THAT on your soil management plan Natural England!

Day 3 in Sikeston Missouri, which Josh (Neals son in law) reliably informs me was the centre of an MTV programme about the 'capital of crystal meth'. This morning we headed out to Aarons farm - he works with Neal EC scanning to allow the creation of zones for sampling and variable rate spreading. I have colleagues who use it and swear by it but the maps they showed me here seem to change too often for the spreading gear to be able to keep up. Aaron and his EC scanner are pictured. Hank is also in the picture, his wife rides in the rodeos - now that's interesting

We headed out to the fields to see Aarons rice and maize, they grade the fields here with a blade and laser sights to allow flooding for weed control in the rice and to enable furrow irrigation (as pictured between the maize rows) having seen this it's no surprise they need to add so many nutrients, they do put levies (soil banks) at the end to catch the run off but it's still an awesome demonstration of land / soil management. Stick that on your soil management plan Natural england!
THE Woman from the UK (as Aaron calls me) in a rice field. We headed back to the classroom across the bayou via a bridge Luke 'my driver' (found me a luke out here) assures me is quite normal, old wooden sleepers going cross ways with large gaps between them, forded by what appeared to be broken down pallets running lengthways about 6 wide to run across, ummmm.

Today we had 1/2 the course notes to cover in one day, needless to say with Neals vast experience we didn't make it. Only had P and N left to cover - nothing major then! -Still loads of good stuff on micronutrients, S, K etc.

Ending the course meant the beginning of the goodbyes, it's always sad when a bonded group has to split up, so goodbye to Nancy, Grant and Tom who were great fun. Off for a phat steak for the rest of us and a drive by the lavish Kinsey Ag offices, I think they've taken 'keeping overheads low' a bit seriously! We had a great meal with all Neals family and staff which was a great way to finish a great few days -even if the waitress asked me if I was the mother of a 17yr old? (guess this might be the place to get some botox before i return). Anyway, more goodbyes and greatful thanks particularly to John - my buddy at the back of the class, Alan, Hank, the Kinsey family, Chris, Shannon, and plenty of promises to come see us in the UK - I really hope they do.

The final two bonuses were winning the mobile phone sweepstake and grabbing a lift with Winslowe back to St Louis saving the need to catch the luxury Greyhound and the Gangster rap metro!